When human beings are born, it goes without saying that we need people — people who are older, wiser, more mature than we are — to survive. Our parents, or at least parental figures. As we grow from the complete dependence of infanthood, through childhood, and into the adolescent and teenage years when many of us push the boundaries and actively rebel against their guidance, we need those people less as we mature. And then, like fledgling birds, we’re thrown from the nest, expected to make it in the world on our own.
Smart people, though, know that we can all use a more experienced guiding hand, no matter where in life we are. That’s where mentors come in.
Research has clearly demonstrated the value of mentoring and being mentored — both mentor and mentee are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to get pay raises. As a protege, you receive the benefit of the years of experience that a mentor has to offer. But don’t underestimate the value of a mentor in growing your network, too. ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know’, as the saying goes. Over and above the wisdom and support they give, one additional benefit of a mentor is the connections they can offer as you progress in your career.
Mentors can take many forms. Some may enter our lives at a specific moment in time, offering just the right advice or suggestions we need in that moment, and then just as quickly ‘exit stage left’. The kind of mentor we want to discuss here is the longer-term variety — the type that we seek out and intentionally form a relationship with, who’s there to support our development over time.
If you’ve never thought about looking for a mentor, you may feel some anxiety about asking. If you do, you’re not alone; this is perfectly normal. There are three main reasons people are reluctant to take this courageous step. Let’s knock those reasons down one by one. First, many people are just generally uncomfortable asking for help. They feel they’ll be a burden, or that the person they’d like to ask is far too busy to take time for them. The truth is that most people are honored to be asked to act as someone’s mentor. It’s a pretty big compliment; it means that the person asking sees them as a role model, someone they respect. The second reason most people are reluctant to ask is the feeling that a mentorship relationship is one-way; that the mentor does all the giving, and the mentee all the taking. The truth: most mentors will tell you they get as much out of the relationship as the mentee does — if not more! Mentorship can be a tremendously rewarding experience, and often leads the mentor to think about their own life and decisions in different ways. Third and finally, many people are unsure about where to look. Happily, we have the answers for you. Read on.
Who Would Be a Good Mentor?
A great time to start thinking about mentors is when you’re in college — perhaps when you first start looking for student jobs in California’s competitive job market. For many students, their first thought is their professors. It’s understandable: these are people who are older, more experienced than you, who know a lot about the field of work you’re pursuing, and who often have industry contacts. Also, there’s a familiarity there — a sense of comfort and safety, because you’re used to asking professors questions and taking their direction. So sure, one of your profs might be exactly the right mentor for you … but don’t necessarily stop there. They might be a better source of recommendations: your prof might know someone in your future industry that you could connect with. Your parents, aunts, and uncles are probably not the right choice as mentors (more about that below), but they might have friends or colleagues who are. Most importantly, always be looking for networking opportunities where you can make new contacts. Every college hosts mixer events for industry and alumni; these are fantastic opportunities to meet potential mentors, because you already have something in common. Get out to as many events like these, and meet as many new people, as you possibly can. The search for a mentor aside, building a professional network is one of the most effective career-building things you can do.
For recent graduates, the formula is the same. If you still have relationships with your profs, they can be a great source of referrals, as can older family members and family friends. The simplest approach is to think about where you want to be in five to ten years, and look for someone who — in some sense — is there now. Clearly, someone in your field of work or industry is best, but think more about the kind of position they have, the kind of reputation they have in their field. Look for role models. And of course, look for networking opportunities as well. Industry associations, Chambers of Commerce, business associations of all types host mixer and networking events. These are excellent network-building opportunities, because everyone’s there for the same reason: to meet new people!Attend a bunch, figure out which ones feel ‘right’ to you, where you can meet the kind of people you want to meet, and make a point of attending one at least every month or two.
Now that you know where you might look for mentors, the next question is …
What Should I Look For in a Mentor?
If the idea of finding a mentor is outside your comfort zone, it will be tempting to look for the ‘nicest’ person you can find. This is a mistake, and it’s a mistake for the same reason that your parents and friends probably aren’t great choices as mentors. Your friends and family care about you, and they’ll often support you in whatever you want to do … no matter how hare-brained it might be. They’ll often tell you what you want to hear, even if it’s not what you may need to hear. That’s normal for friends and family, but in a mentor, you want something a bit different. A good mentor is someone who will challenge you. Someone who will play ‘devil’s advocate’, pushing you to see a different perspective. Someone who’s willing to say the tough things that a friend might not want to. To get the benefit of a mentor’s experience, you need them to be honest. And honesty sometimes doesn’t feel ‘nice’.
Another characteristic to look for is someone who asks good questions — tough questions, especially, that make you really think. A good mentor will give good advice; a great mentor helps lead you to making the right decisions for you, drawing the correct answers out of you, by asking good questions.
When you find someone with these characteristics, the next step is to ask if they’re willing to be a mentor to you. But before you ask, you have to be clear on one more thing.
How Do I Work With a Mentor?
The simplest answer to this question is: however works best for the two of you. Mentorship relationships are as unique as the people in them; there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for the right format. Many formal mentorship programs assign a regular meeting schedule. This can work well for some people, because there’s a predictable and regular commitment. It gets the spot in the calendar, so nobody forgets, or has to keep asking for a meeting. For other people, a meeting schedule like this is too rigid and confining. For those people, it’s sometimes better for meetings to be ‘on demand’. The mentor, then, is someone to reach out to when you’re dealing with a challenging situation, or have an important decision to make. There is a possible downside to this approach: it can skew a mentorship relationship towards being ‘break-fix’, when the mentor and mentee only interact when there’s a problem to solve. This makes the relationship more transactional, and misses less formal ‘organic’ mentorship opportunities that arise when conversations happen without there being a problem to solve. Situations like these can sometimes be more effectively addressed with a specialized coach — one reason the Jobamax app offers the opportunity to schedule an on-demand appointment with just such a coach.
If you’re new to mentorship relationships and don’t know where to begin, here’s what we’d recommend. Start with a regular meeting schedule for the first while — once a month for six months is a good starting point. If it’s more comfortable for you, you can decide with your mentor on two or three topics for discussion in advance of the meeting. But as much as possible, keep the conversations free-flowing; let them take the direction they will in the moment. After those initial meetings, you and your mentor should have a good sense for two things: first, whether the mentorship relationship is one that will be mutually beneficial (as it should be); and second, what the right frequency and format for future meetings should be.
Just because you’ve ‘flown the nest’, don’t overlook the many benefits of finding a good mentor. They’ll help you fly higher and faster in your career — and in life — in a multitude of ways.
